Thursday, June 11, 2009


Alright. So after countless of hours of work and many sleepless nights put into finishing my animatic/storyboards for my senior film...I want to change it. As of right now, I don't think that I want to run with a completely different story. If possible, I would like to just spend the extra time and effort in revamping my art direction, timing, and plot points so that I can make this film as strong as possible.

In order to do this, I would really appreciate it if all you readers would critique my animatic! Tell me what you like and dislike, what feels really awkward to you, and what should be thrown out completely. The more honest your opinions are, the more I can work on improving my film!


If anything, I would like most of the focus to be on the ending. I pretty much threw it together during finals week, but looking back on it now...I'm not too happy with it. What do you think would make a better ending? OR do you like it the way it is? Am I just overthinking this too much??

You guys are so great! I can't wait to hear what you all have to say!


  1. Well, as I watched it I had two things I thought could be different and I hope they help. At the first when the young boy and girl are interacting, I would spend more time and there initial meeting. Maybe show more of there reaction after the kiss. I would just like to see more development in there initial meeting. Maybe you could take some time away from the sun/moon shot at the beginning (although that is probably where you would put the credits). The second thing is at the very end of the short. Whenever they kiss and it does a zoom in, I thought maybe you could do the reverse and have the camera zoom out. That way you could show more of the clock. I just it resolves better zooming out and then having the sun/moon doors close ending the scene. I hope those suggestions help. I can't wait to see this finished! Although I know you want to make the best senior film you can, don't kill yourself by starting over too much.

  2. Oooookay. First of all, that was freaking adorable, you better do this idea!

    Second. I have a mixture of general commends and perhaps something that might cut some time. Take them or leave them as you wish. :)

    I love the story, I love the idea that the two spend their whole lives looking for one another. But, when watching the animatic, I feel as if the story has the potential to develop a bit further, particularly in the beginning. What if you started out and the boy and girl are together, holding hands, smiling. They lean in to kiss one another to drive home the idea that they've fallen in love and then she's whisked away, moments before the kiss. To me, it would make me feel even more sorry that they got seperated, because they're obviously in love but never got to kiss! And in the end, I think that's what you really want to accomplish right away, is to ensure that we care about these characters, and we want them to find one another again, no matter what or how long it takes.

    I love the fantastical journey they take, up the ladder, floating away on balloons, it just paints such an amazing picture in my head of their world. But, starting at 32 seconds in, I kind of love that feeling, and the urgency you did a fantastic job building up previously. Our journey kind of stops in that room, with the clock face, and I wish it wouldn't. We spend a good 30 seconds + in this room, almost half the short. I think, so far it's the weakest part of your story. There is a need to find a way to make our final transition to the older age, and you did a great job with the previous transition through the ladder way. What if, as he's floating up, there's a big open center space in this room with the clock. And as we're following him up as he flys away, we lose him momentarily as he is going through this hole, and our set is transitioning into the clock room. And as he emerges thorugh the hole, he has grown old. He sets his foot down around the end, and lets the balloons fly away. He drops down to his knees, leans over the edge of the ring and sticks his head down over the edge to look through; in an attempt to see if he can spot the girl. NOt being able to see her leaves him a bit upset, and he signs a bit, continuing to look downward through the opening. Meanwhile, the girl, now ages as well, is stumbling backwards into this room through one of the doorways, lookign back where she's just come from as she enters. When suddenly, she bumps into his rear-end sticking up, since he's still leaning down looking into the hole. Surprised, they both look to see what they've bumped into, and they've found eachother, at long last! He shakily gets up to his feet, with wobbly knees, empowered by his love, he embracers her and kisses her in his arms. Then, you could either zoom in or our, depending on whether you want to show more of the environment they're in, or, focus in on the kiss.

    As it stands, I don't understand why they had aged differently, and why after all these years of looking for eachother they'd be ashamed or not be extatic to have found eachother again, regardless of their age. I do like the idea of the reveal through the mask, but, that last added twist about the difference in age, and the disappointment might be getting a little too complex. Plus, the searching through the portals, and the hesitation to kiss takes up quite a bit of time, removing that particular curve might save you some prescious seconds.

  3. And, I definitly think you could do it many different ways, but, remember, since this is a short, as complex as a topic such as 'love' might be, you want to try and simplify as much as possible. You definitley want to tell their story of adventure, and want to, as I said before, make us care. But, too many arcs could complicate te story beyond what it might need to be.

    I have full confidence you'll find a way to make this work, and work splendedly. I think another pass or two at the story, now that you're not exhaused and stressed from finals, will help you nail this thing. If my experiences at Pixar have taught me anything about animation, it's that the story is King, the solid foundation upon which all is built. If you really nail down that story, putting it all together is going to be immensely less stressful, because you won't be second-guessing yourself, or have to make any last-minute changes to make it work right, or have to re-draw anything or any sequence, more importantly.

    Good luck! And as always, I'm glad to help in any way I can.

  4. Thanks so much you two! These where soooo incredibly helpful! <3

  5. I think the story line is great. I think you should focus on the ending, bc what i saw in the anamatic is very strong. I like how the two characters are missing one another, but at the end, the story comes together. One thing though, the part where the guy comes out as an old man threw me off a bit. maybe u can show the audience something before that that explain the drastic times lapse that happened before he got old. like the strike of twelve thing is good, but it does not explain the drastic aging. Other than that....I THINK IT IS AWESOME